6. THE LIFE OF AN EMPATH

A few months ago, I took one of those online leadership tests. The kind that tells you what your greatest strengths are and how to use your skills to become a better leader in the world. My results came back with empath as my number one strength. Which to be honest, is not that surprising. I have been told since I was a kid that my EQ was much higher than my IQ. I've always been able to feel things more deeply than some others around me. I used to think I was just being too sensitive or emotional, but now I know that it's just the way I'm wired.

Dr. Judith Orloff, an American psychiatrist and published author, has described empaths to be "emotional sponges". As an empath, we tend to soak up all of the emotions of people around us with such intensity. I often wonder if I had some kind of hero complex because I'm always trying to save everyone around me. I find myself gravitating towards "broken" people because I want to fix them. Because I understand pain on such a deep level, I don't want anyone to feel the way I do. If I can't be fixed, then at least I can fix someone else. I've been this way ever since I was a kid. I would listen to people's problems, try my best to console them. I took their pain and made it my own. It makes me relatable and comforting to be around. But it can also add so much weight onto my shoulders as I carry this with me.

I think I am the way I am because I'm constantly trying to fill this emptiness inside me. I've been numbing my own feelings and emotions since I was a small child. It was a survival technique. I was not allowed to be open with how I felt, so instead I tried to read others, and learn how they felt. I wanted to understand why people act the way they do, and do the things they do. I'm trying to understand their thoughts and their feelings and their pain to justify their actions. I did it with my mom, so I can understand why she had such anger towards me. Why she needed to have power over me, because she was over compensating for the lack of power in other parts of her life. It's the only way I can forgive her and move on with my pain if I understand her pain, so I know I shouldn't take it so personally.

As I learn to navigate around the many emotions I have, there is one thing that keeps me grounded. Knowing I'm not the only one out there that feels the way I do. And knowing I can help others feel a little less pain each day.