9. DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?

Is it just me, or do you find that the older we get, the harder it is to make friends, or meaningful connections? It used to be so easy when we were kids. You just walk up to someone on the playground and ask them if they want to be your friend, and next thing you know, you're holding hands and skipping along to the sandbox. It was so simple and innocent back then. Now, it takes months to schedule a dinner date with your gal pals, and then 8/10 times it gets canceled or rescheduled to another few months into the future. We laugh it off and blame it on "adulting". But why is this something we just accept? Is it a societal thing or a mentality thing?

I think it's because as we get older and experience more in life, we also gain more insecurities and vulnerabilities that we want to hide. Whenever we are forced to be out in public, there is a sudden pressure to put on our best self and show the world we are doing way better than we actually are. To have to constantly wear this mask of false perfection can be exhausting. So instead, we make excuses to get out of commitments and hide away in our comfort zone.

There's also the fact that as we get older and start having more responsibilities, such as work and starting a family etc, we start to shift our focus and our priorities. Suddenly you're not just Jane Smith anymore, you're a housewife, or a mom, or a career woman. You don't have time to be just Jane. You lose yourself to your labels and the thought of doing something for yourself seems like a lot of effort. You're so consumed by your new life and your new labels that you just run on autopilot. You don't bother to look up and see the world around you. The thought of a stranger walking up to you in a Starbucks to say hi and ask how you're enjoying your day is outrageous. Instead of engaging with this new potential friend, you give them a weird look and a quick "it's fine" before walking away hurriedly. And I admit to doing this myself for no good reason at all. So the question here is, why do we do this? Are we really so occupied in our own lives that we can't take 5 minutes to smile at someone, make pleasant conversations and build a new meaningful connection? Why is our immediate thought to be apprehensive and put up walls?

I remember one time when I was in high school, we had a karate instructor come in and teach us about confidence and observation. He pointed out that most people walking down the street have their heads down. They are looking at their feet, avoiding gazes, or distracted by their mobile devices. Not enough people walk proudly and confidently with their head held high and make eye contact, because for some reason we are all scared to make that connection. That afternoon, he challenged us to walk with our eyes up and really see the world, make observations, and be exposed instead of hiding away in our shells. So now, I challenge all of you to do the same. The next time you are walking down the street, or inside a coffee shop, look up and make eye contact with someone and smile. Sure, it might creep some people out, but it might also make someone's day. And you never know who you might meet if you allow yourself to be open to new connections. Let me know how this works out for you =)