5. 30 GOING ON 50

Is it just me, or do any of you feel like time is always running out? I constantly feel like I'm just playing catch up all the time and I just keep getting further and further behind. My friends keep telling me "oh don't worry, you still have time, you're young." But I don't feel young. Maybe it's because I'm an old soul, as they say. Or maybe it's the fact that I had to grow up so fast and I never really had the chance to enjoy a proper childhood. I was forced to be independent and act like an adult at such a young age. Which is why I feel I should have accomplished a lot more, or done a lot more by now.

By the time I was 13 I had already fully planned out my life. I knew what job I wanted (which by the way, I had always wanted to be a journalist), I knew when I wanted to be engaged, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc. But things rarely ever go as planned. And that's not okay with me. I am a planner and I hate the unknown. Which I realize now is my biggest problem. I never know how to just live in the moment and enjoy life one day at a time. I don't know how to relax when there's so much at stake. I also know the reason why I feel like this is because I'm constantly trying to run away from my pain. If I didn't have the Ghost of Childhood Past constantly haunting me and reminding me of the scars left behind, maybe I would feel better slowing down and enjoying my days.

And in today's world, social media doesn't help the cause either. Whenever I'm online and I see these beautiful pictures or videos posted by friends and family on social media, showing off their seemingly perfect lives, I feel depressed. And I wonder, how come I can't have that? How come I don't have that big house and big family and no stress life? Why can't I travel the world and see cool things or do fun things? I have to keep reminding myself, that's not your life - yet. Stop the pity party, suck it up, and work for that reward. You will get there one day. You just have to believe.

So here's a reminder to all of you out there that may or may not be on the same boat as me. Life is not a competition. And yes, for those of you that know me, this is coming from me, someone who needs to be #1 all the time. But I'm serious, stop comparing yourself to others, and stop letting others dictate your life and your timeline. Live authentically and be honest with yourself. No one can tell you when in your life you should do certain things, except for you. Limit your time on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok or whatever other platforms are out there, and remember that those beautiful pictures and videos that you see, only tell one side of the story. The side they want you to see. We don't know what goes on behind the scenes, and we don't know anyone else's truth. You can't control someone else's reality, but you can control your own. Don't be weighed down by the propaganda that is today's social media. There is no timeline. It is never too late to achieve your dreams.